Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.
Michael J. Fox has a small one.
Madonna doesn't have one.
The Pope has one but doesn't use it.
Clinton uses his all the time.
Bush is one.
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.
Liberace never used his on women.
Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.
Cher claims that she took on 3.
We never saw Lucy use Desi's.
What is it?
Answer below! (this is pretty good )
===================================
The answer is: 'A Last Name.'
You didn't think I'd send you a dirty joke, did you?
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes
English phrase -- Chinese Interpretation
Are you harboring a fugitive? -- Hu Yu Hai Ding?
See me A.S.A.P. --Kum Hia Nao
Stupid Man --Dum Gai
Small Horse --Tai Ni Po Ni
Your price is too high!! --No Bai Dam Ding!!
Did you go to the beach? -- Wai Yu So Tan?
I bumped into a coffee table --Ai Bang Mai Ni
I think you need a facelift --Chin Tu Fat
It's very dark in here --Wai So Dim?
Has your flight been delayed? --Hao Long Wei Ting?
That was an unauthorized execution. --Lin Ching
I thought you were on a diet --Wai Yu Mun Ching?
This is a tow-away zone. -- No Pah King
Do you know the lyrics to the Macarena? --Wai Yu Sing Dum Song?
You are not very bright --Yu So Dum
I got this for free --Ai No Pei
I am not guilty --Wai Hang Mi?
Please, stay a while longer. --Wai Go Nao?
Our meeting was scheduled for next week --Wai Yu Kum Nao
They have arrived -- Hia Dei Kum
Stay out of sight -- Lei Lo
He's cleaning his automobile --Wa Shing Ka
Your body odor is offensive -- Yu stin ki pu
Pew! does this bathroom stink! -- Hu Flung Dung?
Are you harboring a fugitive? -- Hu Yu Hai Ding?
See me A.S.A.P. --Kum Hia Nao
Stupid Man --Dum Gai
Small Horse --Tai Ni Po Ni
Your price is too high!! --No Bai Dam Ding!!
Did you go to the beach? -- Wai Yu So Tan?
I bumped into a coffee table --Ai Bang Mai Ni
I think you need a facelift --Chin Tu Fat
It's very dark in here --Wai So Dim?
Has your flight been delayed? --Hao Long Wei Ting?
That was an unauthorized execution. --Lin Ching
I thought you were on a diet --Wai Yu Mun Ching?
This is a tow-away zone. -- No Pah King
Do you know the lyrics to the Macarena? --Wai Yu Sing Dum Song?
You are not very bright --Yu So Dum
I got this for free --Ai No Pei
I am not guilty --Wai Hang Mi?
Please, stay a while longer. --Wai Go Nao?
Our meeting was scheduled for next week --Wai Yu Kum Nao
They have arrived -- Hia Dei Kum
Stay out of sight -- Lei Lo
He's cleaning his automobile --Wa Shing Ka
Your body odor is offensive -- Yu stin ki pu
Pew! does this bathroom stink! -- Hu Flung Dung?
How Dirty is Your Mind?
1. What is a four-letter word that ends in k and means the same as intercourse?
2. What is it that a cow has four of and a woman has only two of?
3. What can you find in a man’s pants that is about six inches long, has a head on it, and that women love so much that they often blow it?
4. What word starts with f and ends with u-c-k?
5. Name five words that are each four letters long, end in u-n-t, one of which is a word for a woman?
6. What does a dog do that you can step into?
7. What four letter word begins with f and ends with k, and if you can’t get one you can use your hands?
8. What is hard, six inches long, has two nuts, and can make a girl fat?
9. What four-letter word ends in i-t and is found on the bottom of birdcages?
10. What is it that all men have one of; it’s longer on some men than on others; the pope doesn’t use his; and a man gives it to his wife after they’re married?
ANSWERS:
1. (talk)
2. (legs)
3. (a twenty dollar bill)
4. (firetruck)
5. (bunt, hunt, runt, punt, aunt)
6. (pants)
7. (fork)
8. (Almond Joy candy bar)
9. (grit)
10. (last name)
2. What is it that a cow has four of and a woman has only two of?
3. What can you find in a man’s pants that is about six inches long, has a head on it, and that women love so much that they often blow it?
4. What word starts with f and ends with u-c-k?
5. Name five words that are each four letters long, end in u-n-t, one of which is a word for a woman?
6. What does a dog do that you can step into?
7. What four letter word begins with f and ends with k, and if you can’t get one you can use your hands?
8. What is hard, six inches long, has two nuts, and can make a girl fat?
9. What four-letter word ends in i-t and is found on the bottom of birdcages?
10. What is it that all men have one of; it’s longer on some men than on others; the pope doesn’t use his; and a man gives it to his wife after they’re married?
ANSWERS:
1. (talk)
2. (legs)
3. (a twenty dollar bill)
4. (firetruck)
5. (bunt, hunt, runt, punt, aunt)
6. (pants)
7. (fork)
8. (Almond Joy candy bar)
9. (grit)
10. (last name)
Conversation before marriage vs after marriage
Before the marriage:
He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Yes!
She: Will you hit me?
He: No way! I'm not such kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
Now for after the marriage conversation you can read it in reverse order :-)
He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Yes!
She: Will you hit me?
He: No way! I'm not such kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
Now for after the marriage conversation you can read it in reverse order :-)
Funny Facts
# Guinness Book Of Records holds the record for being the book most stolen from Public Libraries.
# The average person over fifty will have spent 5 years waiting in lines.
# The toothbrush was invented in 1498.
# 40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.
# Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than the rest of the day.
# Most of us have eaten a spider in our sleep.
# The REAL reason ostriches stick their head in the sand is to search for water.
# The only 2 animals that can see behind itself without turning it's head are the rabbit and the parrot. ( Don't forget Moms )
# Prince Charles and Prince William NEVER travel on the same airplane just in case there is a crash.
# The first Harley Davidson motorcycle built in 1903 used a tomato can for a carburetor.
# If coloring weren't added to Coca-Cola, it would be green
# On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over theParliament building is an American flag.
# Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
# An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
# A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
# The average person over fifty will have spent 5 years waiting in lines.
# The toothbrush was invented in 1498.
# 40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.
# Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than the rest of the day.
# Most of us have eaten a spider in our sleep.
# The REAL reason ostriches stick their head in the sand is to search for water.
# The only 2 animals that can see behind itself without turning it's head are the rabbit and the parrot. ( Don't forget Moms )
# Prince Charles and Prince William NEVER travel on the same airplane just in case there is a crash.
# The first Harley Davidson motorcycle built in 1903 used a tomato can for a carburetor.
# If coloring weren't added to Coca-Cola, it would be green
# On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over theParliament building is an American flag.
# Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
# An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
# A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
Hard To Say When Drunk
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Specificity
British Constitution
Passive-aggressive disorder
Loquacious
Transubstantiate
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Thanks, but I don't want to have sex
Nope, no more booze for me
Sorry, but you're not really my type
Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight
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