You Have Swine Flu If:
• When you sneeze, you go, “Ah.. ah… ah… charsiew!”
• And after you finish sneezing, you go, “Abidee-abidee-abidee, that’s all folks.”
• You feel the need to rub yourself with oinkment.
• People suddenly start calling you “Babe” for no apparent reason.
• You keep annoying the bak kut teh uncle by asking him if you can pop into his pot for a quick bath.
• Your Muslim buddies all defriend you on Facebook.
You Have Bird Flu If:
• You can’t walk without simultaneously bobbing your head.
• In your fevered state, you keep thinking you saw a puddytat.
• You keep screeching, “Polly wants some Panadol!”
• You have to fight the urge to poop on cars.
• When you Twitter, you literally twitter.
• For some reason, a lot of Hainanese hawkers want to friend you on Facebook.