I've had bad luck with both my wives.
The first one left me, and the
second one didn't. -James Holt McGavra
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming:
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it.
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
A man inserted an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted." Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." -Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): My wife's an angel!
Second Guy: You're lucky, mine's still alive.